Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
