we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
