Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
