WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
