We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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