Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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