After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
