i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
