Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
