So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The Olympian is in my bed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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