just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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