I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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