oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
