Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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