I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Less talking, more tequila
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
