ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
