it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
