Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
