I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
