I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
