if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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