Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
