he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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