Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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