Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
