Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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