you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This baby is an asshole
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
