i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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