I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
