so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
