I murdered the dance floor call the cops
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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