Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My dick has a subreddit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
