Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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