she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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