Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think my moral compass just broke
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
