I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
