I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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