Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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