I'm gonna have a badass scar
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
