where does the pee come out of this thing
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What a dumb baby whore.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
