omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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