dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
