THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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