he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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