wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
