dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
