Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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