now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
well, you know. whores of a feather.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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