K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
