I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
