I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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