new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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