I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
